I can't smile without you

Dear my Blog,

For the last month I've spent more time in the net trying to find how to earn online than I do in trying to learn my lessons and study for my exams. If it is a must to know, it is because my mother is drowning in debt and I fear for her health due to stress caused by over work searching for another source of income and terror from the threats made by different agents that the banks, she had some problem with, hired to get her attention and make her pay for her debt. I fear for my mother's emotional and psychological stability as she is already at an age where sickness starts to show up and never heals anymore. I wish I could somehow produce even at least the financial value that she needs for every letter that comes into our mailbox only to see that they are all credit card bills and, the one thing I fear the most, letters from the bank mother loaned some money from where the way of payment used was cheque. I had no worries with the former as I know and made it clear to my mother that she won't be imprisoned due to debt, I even checked our law books and gave it to her just so she'll not worry too much. But it was the loan that constantly bothers me my every waking moment, making my already cold insides colder with every sunset as I couldn't do anything to help my own mother.

I know that even I cannot worry too much because my health is very delicate and my body is very sensitive that even normal medication does not work on me but instead cause me more harm than good. However, I cannot stand on the thought that I'll be doing fine when the person most important to me is slowly dying inside. I lately have been absent from school due to health problems alone and I still can't help but worry and be filled with trepidation every time a new day would come. How funny it must be to hear me say I fear the new day instead of looking forward to it.

I wish the time would come again where I can see my mother smile, filled with happiness instead of seeing her face filling with lines of worry.

Truly Yours,
Me-Me